Realizations of Emotions
by Oscar-Wilde-Inspired
Summary: Nick is left angry and confused and Greg is left angry and depressed in the aftermath the drug's effects. Sequel to Spanish Fly. Nick/Greg. Rated M.


**Okay so I've had a few request to do a sorts of sequel, well for a long time I was satisfied with just having the story as it was. Because honestly I couldn't think of a way to make it work without getting all sappy and romantic and stuff, and if you know me, or read my stories, you know that that is not how I roll. But I was rereading it the other day and I brilliant idea popped up for a sort of sequel. So here it is, the sort of sequel.**

**Disclaimer: Do not own the series or characters, and blah blah blah you know how it goes.**

On the drive home Nick stared almost numbly out of the windshield, the headlights of the passing cars barely registering in his muddled mind, his body reacted automatically to get home. It nearly startled him out of trance when he looked up and saw his house in front of him, he thought back to figure out how he had got here, but the only thing he could conjure up was images of Greg moaning, clawing at his flesh, images of Greg's, rather surprisingly, toned body sweating pressed hard against his as. Nick trailed off shaking his head almost violently as he climbed the steps to his house taking his keys out of his pocket as he did so.

He had no idea what had came over him when he had told Greg that it hadn't been that bad, and truth to be told it wasn't, it had been the first time he had ever been with another guy in way. Sure he had hugged his friends and stuff like that but, he had never thought about another like that, a side effect of growing up in Texas where the majority of people weren't all that accepting towards people who didn't follow the mainstream flow of stuff, which included who they fooled around with in bed. If his mom or dad had found about what he had done with Greg. Groaning Nick slammed the door behind him, he didn't even want to think about what would happen if they found out.

Throwing his keys down on the small table beside the door, Nick jerked off his jacket and threw it into the closet not bothering to hang it up. Standing in the same spot Nick looked around his place, but all he could see was Greg, Greg begging him, calling out his name, the sheer violent excitement that surged through his body as Greg tangled his hands in Nicks hair so hard that he could nearly fell his hair being ripped out.

"Fuck" Nick shouted to his empty apartment, he wasn't supposed to be thinking about it, he was supposed to be thinking about the gorgeous blonde named Nikki that he had a date with tomorrow night. He was supposed to be thinking about her slender body, her soft curves, her full lips and they felt pressed up against his, or better yet his naked flesh.

But all thoughts of Nikki were far gone from his mind, as he body ached for…for something that he couldn't get. It was the drug that had made him do it, that had made them do it, if it had been anyone else in that lab with him he would've done the same thing to them. There was nothing special about the certain person that had been in the lab with him.

"Fuck" Nick cursed again as he kicked the wall, it was all because Greg was fucking stupid and didn't check the dam briefcase before he had opened it. He should never had told Greg he was off the hook, it was all his fault that this was happening.

Before Nick could stop himself he picked up the umbrella holder next to his door and tossed it across the room, for a moment he paused, shocked at his irrational behavior, but as soon as the umbrella holder slammed against the opposite wall and let a crack as it broke the anger violently swelled up in him washing away the shock. Every object he threw, every piece of furniture or trinket he broke made him feel better, it drove the thoughts of Greg out of his head as the anger swelled up around him, wrapping him a false blanket of security, making him numb to the thoughts that raced through his head.

As he was one of the first ones to show up Nick made his way to Grissom's office, before someone caught him and handed him work, he needed to take the day off, hell maybe even the week. He just needed to get of the city, get away from. Nick's thoughts came to a screeching halt when a voice called out to him.

"Nick wait up" for a millisecond Nick paused, his body reacting how he would've had on any other day, but as soon as his brain figured out who the voice belonged to it threw his body back in gear and he nearly ran the rest of the way to Grissom's office so he wouldn't have to turn around and face the younger man who had been calling after him.

Looking up from a case file Grissom gave Nick a questioning look "Is there any reason you nearly broke my door?"

"I ugh" Nick began but his brain couldn't think of anything to say, his heart was beating so fast he was surprised that Grissom couldn't hear it.

Cocking an eyebrow Grissom leaned back in his chair "You what?"

"I ugh…" Nick nearly cursed out loud, he couldn't even think of a decent excuse anymore, all the ones that he had made up earlier that day had now slipped his mind.

For a few seconds Grissom studied him like he would one of his bugs, which made Nick extremely uncomfortable, he had a passing thought that Grissom could see right into the heart of him and see the raging war that was inside of him right now.

"I'm assuming this about yesterday's incident…" Nodding Nick agreed, only because his voice no longer seemed to work he could feel sweat forming on his forehead. Immediately horrible thoughts started forming inside his head, what if Grissom thought what Greg and I did was so repulsive that he fired us, what if he had told someone, or worse what if Grissom could no longer think of him as a man, as someone who was able to hold their own on the team.

"Well it is understandable, though I don't particularly like the fact that one of my agents wasn't smart enough to check something to see if it was booby trapped before he opened it up. I'm just glad that it wasn't as bad as it could have of happened." Nick gaped at him, was he talking about the same incident that Nick was thinking about, how could've it gotten worse, Nick almost wished that something had blown up instead of, of what had happened.

"That is what you're worried about Nick?" Grissom asked leaning forward in his chair so his elbows were resting on his desk. "Greg came in earlier this morning and explained everything to me and handed me all of the accident reports, he seemed a bit concerned that the drug might've affected him a bit worse than it had you, you know because he had gotten more of it in his system then you had."

The air that Nick had been pulling into his lungs was harshly taken away from him, his mind focused solely on the last sentence that Grissom had said. Did Greg think that Nick, trembling he sat down in the chair in front of Grissom's desk, that Nick had done what he had done last night because of a passing notion that had infected his head? Did Greg think that Nick liked guys that way?

"Are you alright?" Grissom asked as he got out of his chair and walked over to where Nick sat "you look sick."

For a moment Nick was going to say that he felt fine, but that would be lying, he because in truth he felt severely ill, he felt as if any second the contents of his stomach would come back up. "No, I feel really bad, I think I need to take the day off." Holding his stomach Nick tried to push back the landside of thoughts that invaded his head.

Helping Nick up Grissom up "I think that's a good idea, I gave Greg the day off as well, he looked worse then you when he came in this morning."

The thought registered in his head for a second, Greg was sick or at least looked sick, was the same thoughts that were in Nick's head invading Greg's head as well. Was his mind and body revolting against him, trying to get him to think about something he should not be thinking about. "Thanks Grissom" Nick said as Grissom opened the door for him and lead him out into the hallway.

"It's fine…take a few days to rest, come back when you feel better" Grissom said as he shook Nick's hand.

Nodding to Grissom Nick took off down the hall, trying to see around the corners as he did so, so he wouldn't run into Greg or anyone else that had been there last night for that matter. He had made it all the way to his car without getting spotted by anyone, sighing he leaned his head against the warm steering wheel. He had no clue to as how he was going to get over this. How was he supposed to work with Greg knowing what he, what they had done, sure it had been while they were under the influence of a drug, but. That but seemed to weight down physically on him, just hearing his mind say that word made it seem as if thirty pounds of extra weight had been added to his body and he slumped even more against the steering wheel.

Getting back to his house seemed even more laborious then it had ever been before, as he walked up the stairs to his house, he silently cursed his fate. Why had it been Greg in the lab with him, he wasn't even supposed to be working with Greg that day, but when he Sarah had asked him to switch cases with her, he had almost gladly accepted. Nick who had always found it easier to get along with Greg hadn't even thought twice about the decision, until now that is.

Closing the door his place Nick almost dropped his keys on the small table by the door before he remembered that in a fit of rage he had destroyed it, along with the glass bowl that held his change that sat on top of it. After the ten minute fit, Nick had spent the rest of the night cleaning up the debris he had caused.

Slipping the keys into his pocket Nick walked into his kitchen and pulled out his bottle of whiskey, not bothering to get a glass, he planned on drinking the entire half bottle of whiskey straight from the bottle. He knew he shouldn't do it because of the strain that the Spanish fly had put on his kidneys, but at this point in time he really didn't care.

Sitting heavily down on the couch Nick unscrewed the cap and tossed it on the other side of the table before taking a long swig of the deep amber colored alcohol. Nick licked his lips as the satisfying burn of the alcohol spread out to his fingertips. Taking another long swallow Nick let the bottle dangle from his fingertips as he stared at the wall, during his fit last night he had also broken his TV set, so he had no way to entertain himself. Which suited him just fine, if he wanted to go back to work anytime soon he was going to have to work out his feelings or anger towards what had happened. Taking another swig of the liquor Nick let his thoughts ramble around, immediately images of Greg, the way he had sounded and looked last night naked, his skin flushed and sweaty, his finger digging into Nick's back, his voice deep and full of lust as he called out Nicks name begging him to go faster. The sound of flesh hitting flesh, the moaning sounds that had come from deep in Greg's throat and from Nick's as well.

Turning the bottle around with his fingers Nick tried to ignore the reaction that his body was having to the images in his head, he tried to ignore it, but it was painfully prominent. Swallowing hard Nick slid farther down into his couch, why were these images turning him on, last night had been an exception because he had Spanish Fly in his system, he body had demanded a release and Greg had been there. But why now, why after all of the drug was out of his system was the images turning him on, was it because. Nick swallowed a painful lump in his throat, was it because he was sexually attracted to Greg?

Nick stared at the blank wall for a long time, his own mind had just dropped a bombshell on him, and memories of Greg flooded back to him. The first time he had seen him he had been so odd, so weird, he was goofy the complete opposite of how most people in his job acted, he was so young and innocent he hadn't experience all the horrors that humans were capable of. Then he had slowly changed, it wasn't noticeable at first, but after he had gotten into the field after he started seeing his first murder scenes and depravity that humans were capable, he had changed; he had lost some of his innocence. When Nick had realized this he had almost became sad, he had missed the way Greg had been so fun and spontaneous, it was true that he was still that way but he had changed so much from when he first started. But Nick had taken this in, he had accepted this as a part of Greg, of the person he was maturing in to, the person he was now. He was stronger now, more experienced in life, and Nick had thought about this proudly when he had watched Greg come striding back into work after he had been nearly beaten to death.

Biting his bottom lip Nick thought about all the time Catherine or Sarah had switched cases with him so him and Greg had been partners. He thought about the all the times that Greg had made him laugh and the way that Greg had always found a way to cheer him up when he was in a bad mood. Was that it, Nick thought numbly? After all these years of working with the younger guy had he developed feelings for him that were stronger then friendship? Did that mean that last night's incident hadn't just been the drugs fault? He could remember the distinct satisfaction that he got from finally having Greg, from being able to touch his flesh to mark him, and claim him as his own. Is that what it had been, had his long seated, very deeply buried feelings towards Greg finally gotten the outlet they had wanted in the form of the drug that had infected them?

What did that say about him? He had developed feelings for someone he had known for so long and he couldn't even admit the feelings to himself. What would his parents, his friends, think about him having such strong feelings for a guy? How would they react, would they turn away in revulsion or would they accept his feelings? Then another thought, something that made it feel like a lead weight had just been dropped on his stomach slammed into his brain, what would Greg think about his attraction towards him?

Slamming his head against the back of the couch Nick groaned, this was not going to turn out well, there was no way that anyone was going to be okay with his feelings. He had been raised with the strict idea that it was a man and women, there was no other way, man and women and that was all, any other way was disgusting and an abomination to God.

Nick was just about to take another drink from his almost finished bottle of whiskey when the doorbell rang startling Nick and making him spill some of the alcohol on his shirt. Cursing he stood up trying to wipe the alcohol off of him as he made his way over to the door.

**So….what'd ya think? Yep yep, I know it's a complete different tone from the first one, but I figured that after some light fluff stuff there had to come some dark angsty stuff. I promise though I'll try to add some lighter stuff in just to balance it out. Sorry if it's not what you were expecting. And no I don't think that Nick is really homophobic, but I had to change him for this story sorry if it really OOC. But for someone whose spent their entire life thinking they were straight to suddenly realize that they liked some one of the same gender there is going to be a bit of anger and depression in there. And sorry if I offended anyone from Texas, I'm sure you're not all the way I more or less categorized you. **


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